STEWARDSHIP—LIVING CHRISTIANITY [ RADICALLY]

New World Articles

Being Catholic isn't easy, but it's my life.
By Anne Marie Tirpak
contributor

Several people questioned my decision to work for the church--a job I began after the recent clergy-abuse sex scandal unfolded. In the defending, I'm reminded why I stay and why I am a Catholic. Some days I am angry and frustrated; more often than not, I'm hopeful.

The scandal rocking our church rocked my world--the sheltered world I lived in during my eight years of Catholic education and four sacraments in my home parish. Four priests from my grade school days in another Midwestern diocese were removed from ministry.

One of the accusations was no surprise. He was often inappropriate, and the voices of those who spoke out went unheard by both the pastor and principal. Nearly 20 years later, he was called to meet with the bishop, but never showed. He committed suicide.

Good and evil.

I remember witnessing his pastoral care as he walked with a woman I babysat for as she fought, and eventually succumbed, to breast cancer. At her funeral, he was so distraught that tears choked out the end of his homily.

I also remember my intense fear, a sense of knowing that something was not right, when he visited me as a hospitalized 13-year-old. Idle chatter. Odd questions. A desire to distance myself, an internal prayer for the nurse to come in. He gave me a blessing and I remember feeling the tension of what should be good, as evil.

I remember talking to my oldest friend about her wedding preparation as this scandal broke anew. She fled the church because of indiscretions by this same priest in a confessional. She wanted to be married in our parish and receive communion on her wedding day, but feared seeking forgiveness for not "actively" practicing her faith. The gentle priest who married her listened to her story and welcomed her home.

I wonder now, as an adult, why the voices of other adults advocating for children affected by this crisis went unheard. I think about my, and many families' naïve trust in our religious leaders.

Forgiveness. Justice. Humanness. It all swarms together. I know how my faith asks me to respond, but my reaction is muddied. The quantitative results of the John Jay study, as overwhelming as they are, miss the face and the story behind the number. The numbers provide distance; the individual lives do not.

And so some continue to wonder how I do what I do. I say I came, and I stay, because I believe in the work of the church. I'm hopeful when I hear murders and other crimes are down in the Back of the Yards community because of the good work that is being done by Holy Cross-Immaculate Heart of Mary parish.

I'm hopeful when a priest shares hours of his free time to listen to my faith questions.

I'm hopeful when I spend a morning with parish leadership and get to taste of the life-giving work that is being done in our parishes and in communities.

And I'm hopeful when Ash Wednesday Mass at Holy Name Cathedral is bursting with Chicago Catholics and my own parish's altar is brimming with catechumens celebrating their Rite of Election--just days after the release of the John Jay report. Is it coincidental that the report was released during our faith's season of purgation and atonement?

Our church has survived other scandals, and we will survive this one. I am Catholic. I believe in the resurrection.

Tirpak is vicariate stewardship coordinator for the Archdiocese of Chicago. She can be reached at (312) 534-7713, or at atirpak@archchicago.org